


Wish Upon These Words

by reydishii



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Author!Connor, M/M, That's it, evan pines for connor, just a mess, this is just a vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 17:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14086443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reydishii/pseuds/reydishii
Summary: Evan watches some interviews with his favorite author, Connor Murphy.Alternatively, a vent fic.





	Wish Upon These Words

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I had to get this out somehow.
> 
> If you're wondering how this started, it's because I watched a video of Ben Platt freaking out about Beyonce coming to his performance and I compared it to something to see how that would feel. What I compared it to was Ben Platt buying a book of mine if I ever published one.
> 
> I promptly freaked out and couldn't get this ideal out of my head.

_“...What’s your backstory? How’d you become this amazing author and public figure that so many people know and love?”_

_“I grew up in a home that was completely screwed up due to the problems that I caused them. I threw a printer at my teacher in second grade, and the rumors about me kept circulating all throughout high school. I’ve never done drugs in my life, but the rumors made it out so that I was a meth addict by seventh grade. My parents refused to get me therapy when I needed it, and that only made things worse.”_

_“Wow, that’s impressive! How’d you deal with that?”_

_“I didn’t, actually. If you’ve read Letters to a Dead Boy, you’ll have figured out that I’m not adverse to talking about themes of self-harm and suicide, which is what I mainly wrote about at the time, since, well, that’s what I was focused on.”_

_“You’re speaking as if you’ve had a personal experience with those topics.”_

_“More than one singular experience, yes.”_

_“So, how did that express itself when writing Letters to a Dead Boy?”_

_“Well, that’s a funny story. As you know, my first book was just a bunch of letters that I had written. That was made because I kept diaries throughout high school and when I was actually trying to go to college and I wrote in them pretty much all the time. Eventually, when I was on my fourth diary, I realized that if I added some entries for plotline, I had a story, which turned out to be Letters to a Dead Boy. So, it expressed itself by making the main character, Kris, go through what I experienced.”_

_“Well, that’s one story, eh?”_

_“You could say so.”_

_“Aaaand, we’re just about to hit overtime. Thank you for joining us, Connor Murphy, and I do hope you do well.”_

_“Thank you.”_

The interview ended. 

Evan Hansen, sleep deprived, clicked on another one.

_“...Today, we welcome Connor Murphy, author of number one New York Times bestseller, Letters to a Dead Boy!”_

_“Thank you so much for having me.”_

_“No problem! We’re the ones who should be thanking you. How are you today?”_

_“Good, thank you.”_

_“That’s good! And, we’ve got some questions from the audience out there about you and the book, so we’re going to be doing a small little Q &A! Is that alright?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Well then. The first question comes from Maia in California, and she asks ‘what would you have chosen career-wise if being an author had not worked out for you?’”_

_“Hi, Maia! And, uh, I’d probably become a medical examiner. It’s like being a doctor, but you can’t f- sorry, screw up any lives by giving the wrong diagnosis.”_

_“As much as I don’t like to admit it, you’ve got a point! Quinn, from Texas, asks ‘you have many LGBTQ+ characters in your stories. Do you have any friends that you base these characters on, or do you know any people in that community?’”_

_“Thanks for asking, Quinn. I’m actually gay and ace, and my one… friend? I guess he was a friend. From high school was bi. Since publishing my books, I’ve been able to meet many people in the LGBTQ+ community, and they’re all wonderful.”_

_“You are?”_

_“Yep! I’ve known for the longest time, and it’s not a big deal.”_

_“Agreed, it’s not a big deal! Next question. Kate from Ohio says ‘what’s your opinion on anthologies, and would you ever write one?’”_

_“I’ve actually been thinking about anthologies lately, Kate! I read this anthology about the steampunk world, and it’s simply called Steampunk!. I highly recommend it, and that got me thinking about it. To answer your question, yes, if I had a specific topic to write about, and if I could actually scavenge up enough friends to want to write an anthology with me.”_

_“What topic would the anthology be about?”_

_“Most likely something involving poetry, since I’ve been wanting to expand my writing horizons a little bit.”_

_“That’s very interesting! Alright, Jude from Nebraska asks ‘what is a topic that you’ve had to do the most research for to put into a story?’”_

_“Damn, Jude, you chose a good question. I’d probably have to say that the one gory scene I’ve written in an upcoming book had me researching too many things about blood.”_

_“Let’s not go too into detail about that! Okay, final question. Caden from Illinois asks ‘do you know if time travel is possible? Literally the whole internet wants to go back to when you were in highschool and tell you that we want to get to know you and that we value your opinion.’”_

_“...I don’t know if time travel is possible, but you probably would have saved me from quite a few suicide attempts. Thanks, Caden, and friends. It means alot.”_

_“As you’re thanking them, we’re thanking you for showing up today. Thanks so much, Connor Murphy, and have a great weekend.”_

_“Thanks, you too.”_

Evan was the bi friend. 

Evan Hansen was the bi friend that Connor had mentioned. 

Evan Hansen had found out that he was bisexual by falling in love with Connor Murphy. 

Evan couldn’t handle the next interview, so he turned off the autoplay option. 

He and Connor were in half of the same classes for their entire high school career. They were paired together on an English project, where they had to create a story and turn it in for credit. They had spent all night working, talking, and getting to know each other. 

By the time Connor left Evan’s house, he knew that he wanted to be more than friends with Connor.

Then, Evan went to school, found Connor not responding to anything Even said to him in the hallways. He’d promptly forgotten about any hope of friendship between the two. 

But Evan’s crush continued to grow, until it blossomed into love.

However, Connor, after attempting suicide one more time, got help, started seeing a therapist, and forgot about his shitty life at the high school as soon as he finished his third diary. 

A few tears slipped out of Evan’s eyes, wishing on the words that he’d written so many years later, that he’d be able to do that same; that he’d be able to do what Connor did.

However, he knew in his heart that no matter how much he hoped, it wouldn’t come true anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!
> 
>  _Steampunk!_ , an anthology and favorite book of mine: [x](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005O2P5YK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1)


End file.
